INHERITED PAIN

INHERITED PAIN:

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA

             Have you ever realized how much of an impact your family and parents have on the development of who you are, and how you handle life?

This entire post is about exactly that topic "Inherited Pain" you might understand to a degree what that may mean, but the overall concept is much deeper than you may think...

The mental attitude of your parents, and family has been instilled and ingrained into who you are, how you think, how you approach life, as well as others. This can work negatively or positively, our upbringings play a vital role in who we become...

The idea of this discussion came to me when I was recently speaking to a woman at an event regarding conditioning. How we are all conditioned by society, our religions, our class, race & families. She then proceeded to discuss the impacts that her parent's made on her, and how it drastically affected her life. For this story, we will call this woman Jane...

Jane told me that growing up her mother was very cold, and withdrawn. Playing the role of the strict commander ruling over every decision, thought, and belief. Often telling Jane what she "could, and should do" leaving very little wiggle room for Jane to blossom naturally into who she was. She began living life through the lens of her mother, in order to follow suit and avoid being ridiculed. She never took ballet or dance as she would have wanted, instead, she pursued a life in business finance as her mother said: "If you want to survive in this world, you have got to get into an area where you will make the most money..." Her father (Jane's grandfather) having been in business/ finance, Jane was pressured by her mother to pursue especially beings women were now beginning to have equal opportunity in that field/ area of work.

Jane stated that she then began to BELIEVE that her mother was right, adopting her mother's beliefs, ideals, and even many personality traits, and reactions. It is an ongoing joke/ belief that a woman will turn into her mother, while the men will turn into their fathers. But why is that? It is more often than not true, but why is this self-fulfilling prophecy so prominent in shaping who we are or who we become?

That is because our parents and families are often our first mentors in this world. We look to them to tell us how to think, feel, believe, behave, and react. They keep us in line, and within the boundaries of what they believe to be acceptable. As we learn and grow, we accept their influence over our lives, as we do not know any better.

Jane told me that her mother never once told her that she loved her, and what an impact that had on her growing up. She felt a great disconnect and void within that she later began using alcohol and men to try and fill. Years later, after decades of an estranged complicated relationship, her mother became ill with cancer. She was pretty much on her deathbed, and months of reckoning had begun to take place within her mind. Jane flew back to her hometown, to make amends with her mother, but what she got was even more impactful than she originally thought possible...

She said for the first time in her life she saw her mother cry. Always playing the stoic strong role as the matriarch of her family, the facade has finally faded revealing the true woman behind the mask. Her mother began to express her deepest sympathy for how she handled herself as a mother. She said she was only tough on her because she wanted her to succeed and to become a professional independent woman. She wanted for Jane the life that she was never able to have, being a stay at home mother while living in bitterness because her life, and dreams have passed her by due to starting a family at the tender age of 15. She wanted Jane to stand on her own two feet, have an ideal education, and not have to resort to relying on a man for income. Jane's mother proceeded to say that because of the way her mother was she never really knew HOW to be a mother, beings her mother ALSO very cold, and never told her that she loved her. She only began to emulate her own mother's way of doing things because she had no mentor or role model to show her otherwise. She simply did the best she could. Jane's victimization began to fade, flooded with tears and she realized her mother was only so hard on her BECAUSE she loved her. She didn't know how to express it, or show it but through her own twisted way she did...

After years of hatred, and resentment with her mother all through one conversation miraculously transformed into admiration, and respect. After her mother's passing, she realized the impact that these inherited beliefs, ideals, reactions have through the years passing from generation to generation.

You not only inherit blue eyes, tall stature, or a wide nose... You also inherit your parent's/ family's pain, trauma, beliefs, ideals, and reactions. We can also inherit afflictions such as smoking, alcohol use, domestic abuse, sexual abuse etc. We do as shown to us from an early age, it may traumatize us at first, but later on we repeat what we've learned because it is our only way we know how to act, react, and deal.

We carry it around with us and make it part of who we are, even if we don't realize it... 

Jane said that she tells her kid's that she loves them endlessly through-out the day, and also encourages them to pursue whatever makes them happy.

We can also break the chain, break the cycle, and heal these generational wounds, stopping it dead in its tracks ensuring it never moves forward. It all comes down to us...

UNTIL NEXT TIME...
NAMASTE
#STAYWOKE