SEEKING CONNECTION: ONLINE DATING IN THE MODERN WORLD

SEEKING CONNECTION

THE FRUSTRATIONS OF DATING IN A CYBER WORLD

With online dating at an all-time high, living in the modern world we are resorted to living life through the filters of technology, social media, and online dating apps for connection.

In the current world the majority of us are so busy that chaos runs rampant in our everyday lives dealing with work, bills, family, holidays, celebrations... so much so that most of us don't make time in the real world for finding a true connection. In this rat race adult life, it seems hard enough to make enough time to schedule a moment to get together with our friends let alone a faceless non-existent romance... Eventually leading to that late night moment when you're filling out your Plenty Of Fish profile description wondering if this is a waste of time...

Those of you that are reading this that actually are not single, and have already found your "person" Congratulations! As long as that relationship is true and right your search is over...

For the rest of us out here trying to find "the one" nowadays dating feels like a hopeless search, like finding a needle in the haystack in this already highly overpopulated cyber world! Let's be honest half of those people are just looking for "hook-ups" the other half haven't been on their profile in 2 years so your messaging a ghost... Winding down to that moment where you take a deep sigh and say

"It's never gonna happen for me..."

I wanted to share my frustrations, as my single friends and I seem to share these same feelings of despondency and desperation towards our love lives...

In this world of instant gratification true connection has fallen by the wayside as these dating apps have become too convenient for some... No longer is courting needed, instead of actually dating a person now they can open their dating app and find somebody for the night to fulfill their sexual desires momentarily, cue the exit. Almost like ordering a pizza from Dominos when you're hungry. Let's be honest if you knew how to cook, or had a chef at home you probably wouldn't have to order out. That being an analogy for if you had a sexual partner in your life, you wouldn't need to order that late night booty call...

The realness of dating has been diluted, hiding behind a computer/ phone screen takes away the compassion one may have when they actually are talking to you face to face. Online, you are just another message, another person to which they hold no obligation, bearing no daily consequence for them as they never have to see you again. Due to the lack of commitment, one can schedule a meeting/ date with no true allegiance or intention of actually following through, they are just fishing... Most aren't even sure what they are doing Friday night, but once that day comes around just know they will have long forgotten their messages and plans with you. As I said they are just fishing, casting lines out and never reeling them back in, leaving the fish caught in the line without being let go.

Online, many undervalue vitally important social values in which they may keep in mind in person, but when online these values all go out the window! The most superficial part of that person begins to beat, dissecting and judging the other solely based on what they feel to be true based on their own idea of you. "He must be dumb if he went to that school, he's probably ghetto if he's from there, she probably has a terrible body beings there are no body pictures," Cue the ((SWIPE))

There are no true consequences to their day to day living- beings there is no in-person moment, it is made far too easy to ignore a message, or say some outlandish comment. Potential matches are fleeting. In the current world, there is a severe lack of decency. Back in the day people would meet in person, or be set up by their friends with a friend of a friend. Leaving behind a web of communication in which we must oblige with respect. Nowadays everything is No Strings Attached, leaving room for very little empathy, care, or decency with how one should act, talk, or behave.

This mainly takes place within the youth beings there is an idea that we are young, and will have all the time in the world, but the sand is slipping through the hourglass... blink, and your 30! Within the middle-aged dating world, I imagine there would be more success beings they are older, more, mature and know what they are looking for or want. Generally ready for an actual relationship and not as interested in random hook-ups.

These are the main reasons for such angst within the online dating community;

Decisiveness (knowing what you want)

Commitment (engaged & dedicated)

Respect (admiration & empathy for the other)

Due to online dating, I will take a gamble and say it has actually hurt the possibility of a good old fashion random in-person meeting/ conversation. I cannot tell you how many times I have been at a restaurant or bar and seen my friends pull up their dating app and began to start swiping away. In fact, I must admit I have been one of those people! In a room full of potential matches, we resort back to our dating apps and instead of fishing in the real world, we dive into the cyber pool of romance.

There are some good things about online dating, in a world with so many people it may lead you to match and meet with someone from a completely different background, culture, or class in which you may never have met before. Giving you more options than you've never been exposed to. You may meet a guy from Thailand or a woman from Austria that may end up being the love of your life! Without online dating, you two would have never crossed paths.

Wrapping this article to a close, those of my readers that are currently searching for matches/ love online just do me a favor when you speak to someone. Tell them what you are looking for upfront so your intentions may match up, and if you are not interested just simply say with respect as if you would in person... "I'm sorry, I am not interested/ you are not my type..."

Just have some respect for each other, as we are all throwing our hearts out there hoping for our match to catch it...


UNTIL NEXT TIME,

NAMASTE
#STAYWOKE




https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/03/23/the-truth-about-online-dating-according-to-someone-who-has-been-studying-it-for-years/?utm_term=.96fed7a6ed6e